Waiting is sooooo hard!

Every day the wait seems harder and harder. It seems everyone around me is pregnant and or having babies. Like, Everyone! It's like always on ur brain and everywhere u look there are babies n more babies and none are urs and u ask why, why the wait, why. It's hard. You want to give up but u know you won't, because one day will be THE day. But I swear it's harder than every imagined. We pray and pray. But it's not here yet, our day has yet to come and it's hard. Have I said that yet? Lol. Today's one of those days that really hard for one reason or another. In the past few months I have like umpteen friends who have become pregnant and another handful who just had or about to have babies, some their first, some their third. And it gets you down. And then there's the news where they just found a baby in a dumpster, and another dropped off here or there, and u think why can't I be the one to love that baby, some stupid person doesn't know what they have, and I could give that baby everything, and we have been at this for over a year, it's not fair! Grrrrrr. Why do things happen this way? Why, when we have so much to give is it soon hard to begin a family? And everyone who doesn't even want them are having them left and right and throwing them away, makes me so angry. This is redundant of previous vent posts, just guess one of those bad days and needed to get it out.

Been reading on adoption

Started reading adoption books we have bought (reading The Connected Child right now), and books we bought about Poland and their history, culture, and customs. Learning cool things about Poland.  Following others lives on our agency group page on Facebook and that is one of the greatest assets we have to connect with others and go through this journey with others.  It has helped a lot.  

Continuing to do the rosetta stone CD for learning Polish every now and then.  I know a few words, so I hope to know enough to get by when we finally get to that first trip. Emotional over our last few months, as we kept hoping we would get a call, for sure we thought we would get a call, but still waiting.

I know I should just keep off Facebook. Because, I keep seeing others I know posting about expecting a baby, I have had 3 in the past few months post notices of expecting and 3 others who just had a baby and are posting new pics.  Makes me upset and emotional.  Then I see others who started a domestic adoption just recently who have already been matched and will have a newborn in a few months. I just get so frustrated.  Then I watch a tv show favorite of mine and it is about adoption and people 're-homing' and giving away those children, and it sickens me. I could never give a child away that was mine. Never.

I don't know the bigger picture and I just hate that.  I don't understand yet, and can't see the whys of life right now with those types of things, and it really makes me mad or stressed or... I dunno...  just emotional all around I guess. I hate waiting. And I know this isn't the worse wait yet. But, I want to move on the the next step, let me know who will be my baby and let me start planning already, let me get things ready, let me meet my sweet baby and hold them for the first time, please lord, just let me know.

update

well, october 26th we had a referral! only a month after our paperwork was sent. but, unfortunetely (i never can spell that word) we had to say no based on our life and this wonderful childs life. it was one of the hardest things we had to do, but we did it, and even over a month later we still think about it and how hard it was and how it can really affext you but we made a decision based on what is best for everyone and hope for the next referral to be "the one". it was so quick as well, we were shocked and excited and hurt all within days of that call.
as you go through the adoption process you have so many highs and lows. you will read this and other blogs and think, nahhhh, but just you wait. :)  you will know what i mean when you get there. everyone has those, its the nature of the beast.

we have friend after friend getting married and pregnant and then seeing them with the miracle of life and you feel mixed feelings, you are happy for them but sad for yourself because you want that so bad.  you see shows or commercials or something on facebook and you break down because you want a family so bad. its a mix of emotions and you feel bad that you arent excited and over the moon for your friends, you feel guilty, at least i do, about having these feelings, but i guess thats just being a human, those are thoughts maybe that others go through as well, especially when youve tried for so long as done so many things, and so you hide your sadness and pain so the world cant see your hurting and you push through. and you know every day is a day closer, but saying that doesnt help the wanting and hoping and sadness of it not being now.

others are getting referrals and you get good and bad feelings when that happens. others are waiting and have been waiting longer than us without a referral and you hope they find the right child as well.   but we know the right child for our family will be placed at the right time.  sometimes you dont know when that will be and you cant see the bigger picture of life, so we trust and pray that everything is going to be fine. we know we have each other and that together we can move mountains.but i will continue to check my phone and hope today is the day and get bummed when it isnt and some days ill go without too much thoughts about it and some days its all i can think about.

Things have been sent off to Poland

So, our dossier has been sent to Poland.  Now the major wait commences......

:)

DOSSIER DONE!

Ok, so we got our dossier documents together and sent them to our agency this week on Tuesday.  They got the documents, looked over everything and gave us an A+ on the paperwork. wootwoot!
We just need a few pictures of my husband and I in and around the house to send it as well and its going to POLAND!!!!

9 months of crazy paperwork and now its like, what, I'm done with the paperwork for now? We really did it?? It is really done and about to be sent off to be match with our child?????      well, what do I do now???? LOL          I have been go go go for so long. I get a break I guess. I can dig it.



                                     Me with all the paperwork for dossier-->

FINALLY Preparing to send our DOSSIER!

Finally, we have all our documents, apostiled and ready to go to the agency and then POLAND! Have to put it all together and then send it off.

For those who might not have read from the beginning of my blogging here the timeline....

End of 2012 --started heavily researching and looking at agencies and adoption
January 2013- Turned in Application and Agreements
February 2013- Started Homestudy and gathering the plentiful paperwork needed for the adoption process
May 2013- Homestudy Complete, continuing to gather documents and paperwork needed
August 2013- Received government approval (via I797)
September 2013-ALL paperwork completed--ALL filled out, notarized, apostiled, and whatever else you can possibly think of that comes with the process of gathering all documents for dossier.
NEXT- Will be the dossier submitting.

Soooo, so far, it has been 8-9 months since we really started the process.

You know what one of the main costs of adoption is that they don't really calculate into adoption??.... paying for gathering your documents and then mailing documents.  
Especially when you have to redo documents and resend them, because you are always mailing the paperwork and a prepaid envelope to send back to you.  Hundreds of dollars easily spent on mailing including getting all documents and paying for those, rough guess, Id say $1,000 in ordering documents and mailing. 

Frustrated.

Sent off everything to get apostiled,and 5 documents came back because they did not have a notary statement along with the stamp/seal. Turned those back in after adding a statement to notaries and some still came back for still not being right!! getting frustrated!

Trying to look/think positive still as we are almost done with all paperwork until sending our dossier.  But it does go up and down and get frustrating and crazy a lot during this process.  Can't wait to be done with paperwork for at least a few months.  :)